How to Build a Relationship With Your Child

Parenting is very challenging, because each child has their own unique needs. The best approach to meeting the needs of each child is to build a relationship with them from the time they are born until they leave this world. You should always consider how your actions will negatively or positively impact the development of the relationship. Here are 12 steps every parent should consider in building a relationship with their child.

Step 1: Respect

Every parent should Respect their children in front of others regardless of their behavior. This will teach them how to respect you and others. Avoid trying to embarrass them in front of others in an attempt to change the negative behavior. It might work for the short term but long term it will backfire.

Step 2: Effort

It will take great Effort to understand your child especially when they are making wrong choices. When a child makes a wrong choice, take the time to talk with the child to verify why the choice was made. Don't accept "I don't know" but avoid getting angry because the door of communication must remain open. They will tell you the reasons for their decision, when they are ready, if the relationship is healthy.

Step 3: Love

When you child goes to bed or wakes up or comes home or telephone or e-mail you, tell them you Love them. Always give them a hug which will help them to relate to you and others. Avoid the trap of giving things to them to show your love. When you say the word, "I love you", it's more powerful. It's sad to hear a child say my parents never tell me they love me. If you grow up in a home where your parents didn't show love, you must not pass it on to your offspring. You have the power to change it.

Step 4: Affirmation

Every child has the desire to receive Affirmation from their parents about the wonderful things they are doing. Praise your child for the small things as well as the large things they do well. When they make a wrong choice, parents make a big deal of it. Yet parents don't do the same for the right choices a child make. It's not always about the great things a child does but it's about the small things that will lead to great things.
 
Step 5: Trust

This one is very challenging for most parents. Most parents believe their child will make the right choice when they are around others. The big problem comes when the child violates the Trust. When your child has violated your trust, never attack their character but let them know you are disappointed in their actions. When you are angry with your child's behavior, communicate your feelings with respect.Let the child know what is required to regain the trust. Make sure you discipline them for violating the trust out of love and don't go overboard. The discipline should be based on current actions and should not be used as a dumping ground for previous behaviors.

Step 6: Inside

To build a strong relationship with your child, you need to know what is going on Inside of the child's heart. In order to know your children, you need to spend time with each child collectively and individually. Breakfast, family dinner and church are great avenues to develop relationships. However, individual time spent with each child will give you an opportunity to build a deeper relationship. Every child's heart is important. A healthy Inside is developed by investing valuable time with your child.

Step 7: Opportunity

Avoid missing an Opportunity to support your child's activities such as drama, field trips and sports. Do everything within your power to support your child. You also want to avoid getting too busy with activities which will drain you and the child. When you become too busy, your attitude might become unpleasant which could lead to damaging the relationship with your child. You must understand your limitation as well as your child's.

Step 8: Nice

You must show you child the importance of being Nice by modeling the behavior. When your child is around you, they are observing every things you do. For example, have you ever looked at your child gestures or manners and they reminded you of you. Your child is observing how you treat others. You will never be a perfect parent, but should desire to instill great moral values in your child's life. If you feel you have failed your child, let go of those feelings, start over again by investing wisely in your child's life.

Step 9: Survive

With all the power you have within your being, never give up loving your child regardless of the wrong choices made. You want your relationship with your child to Survive. As a parent, you are training your child to be great citizens in this world. There are times when life is a struggle, and hopelessness as well as despair will overwhelm you. Don't give up but teach your child how to survive with a caring heart and compassionate heart.

Step 10: Honesty

Model to your child how important Honesty is in a relationship. This will grant them greater success in life. You will have great reasons to rejoice in their success. When you see your child being dishonest, confront them right away with love. Make sure you have all your facts prior to discussing the issue. Ask the child about a different choice that could have been made?

Step 11: Intelligence

Use your Intelligence to deal with your child's negative and positive behavior. Utilize various strategies to listen, understand and communicate to your child with wisdom. If you are experiencing problems with relationships within your family, don't hesitate to get involved in a life skills workshop and/or parents support group. You are not alone; there are many parents who are in the same position. You have the power to make a difference.

Step 12: Prayer/Personal/Persevere

If you believe in Prayer, you should pray often for your child and family. God wants you to take Personal responsibility to train your child because the family is the heart of society. When the family foundation crumbles so will society. Your must Persevere when you are down and up. Don't allow life's problems hinder you from maintaining a fantastic relationship with your child or family. Be encouraged as you apply these twelve steps in developing a greater relationship with your child.

About the Author

Billy J. Strawter created an educational website designed for potential parents, parents, teenagers, social workers, teachers, youth workers, and for individual working with families and children. The contents focus on providing life skills information to help families to build better relationships. If you are looking for practical information to help you deal with children and teenagers, please visit http://www.successtoparenting.com.

(c) 2010 EnviCare Consulting Inc Author Billy J. Strawter, Sr. All rights reserved

Bullying in School Never Happens to My Child

As parents, many of us are living in our own version of utopia or "wonderland" when it comes to bullying in schools. Upon hearing reports of school bullying, we shake our heads or make other empathetic gestures, perhaps verbalize how terrible the increase in school bullying incidents are becoming, and then turn away and go on with our lives thinking "bullying will never happen to my child."

Does this sound like you? Well, it was me, until that life changing day several years ago involving my eldest daughter who was in grade 5 at the time.

I arrived home from work to find my wife an emotional wreck and our daughter mildly sedated in her bedroom. Our daughter had arrived home from school, walked into the house and collapsed on the floor, sobbing and crying uncontrollably.

Over the next few hours we learned about the tragedy the had been playing out right underneath our noses for over a year. A group of girls had targeted my daughter and relentlessly, day after day, made her the victim of put-downs, ridicule and threats while at school.

She was too frightened to tell us what was going on and for our part, we were too naive to recognize many of the tell-tale signs of school bullying that she had exhibited over and over again such as missing school, headaches, not sleeping, and just a series of on-going illness to avoid having to go to school in the morning.

Within a few days, our daughter became severely depressed to the point that she began to talk about suicide and at this point we finally "got it", that this was more than just adolescent bickering, and contacted the school and sought professional help. Within a week, our daughter, who was only 11 years old at the time and who had never been away from home, was in hospital on a "suicide watch"!

It took nearly 6 months of weekly counseling, and being schooled at home, before our child could return to school (a different school in our town) and start to rebuild her self-esteem and confidence in herself as a worthwhile person.

The real "kicker" in all this, was that I was her part-time classroom teacher during the early phases of her torment and never suspected what was going on!

So I implore you, please be proactive about bullying in school and find out what the signs of school bully are and how to support and protect your child against this social terrorism. As my story illustrates, you cannot always depend on your child to say "Help me, I am being bullied!"

Unfortunately it no longer seems to be a case of "if my child is going to be bullied at school" but rather "when my child is going to be bullied at school."

About the Author:

There is no reason why, as a parent, you should not empower yourself to protect your child against bullying at school. For more information and a free report about ways to prevent bullying in school simply click on the highlighted text links.

Don't Yell at Your Kids - Project Your Voice Instead and Watch Their Reaction!

Do you know what the difference is between yelling and projection? In the former situation, your voice is being powered solely by means of your throat and voice box. It is a loud sound that hurts your listeners' ears. If done frequently, yelling can cause major damage to your vocal folds (cords) and leave you with a sore throat, chronic hoarseness, or even loss of voice by the end of the day.

Projection, on the other hand, is a large voice in which your sound is being powered by your chest cavity. It does not hurt your listeners' ears; it will not leave you hoarse; and, it takes much less energy to project your voice than it does to yell.

Another major difference between yelling and projection is that your children do not listen to you when you yell at them; but, they will take notice when you begin projecting your voice instead. Projection requires control, yelling does not.

During my presentations when I discuss projection, I always remark that I never yelled at my children, I projected. As a 'single' married mom, I did not have the luxury of telling my kids to, "just wait until your father gets home," because their dad was away for 11 months of the year. If I wanted my boys to behave, it was up to me to do it. And, it worked. When I told them to stop misbehaving, they paid attention. They obeyed my orders and I remained in control.

It was, however, interesting to watch other parents shouting or yelling at their children in vain. The results were demoralizing. When you increase your volume in this manner, you have 'lost it.' And, kids know it. While some children may cower in fear at hearing you yell, more often than not, most will just ignore your words or your threats. To add insult to injury, our children learn from us. If you yell, they will yell.

When you can learn how to use your chest to amplify your voice instead of just your throat and voice box, you will immediately put an end to your vocal abuse, you will no longer cause pain to your children's ears (or any other listener for that matter), and you will have the upper hand. An added bonus is that you will be able to root for your favorite team for 3 hours and still have a voice when the game is over!

About the Author:

The Voice Lady Nancy Daniels offers private, corporate and group workshops in voice and presentation skills as well as Voicing It!, the only video training program on voice improvement. Visit Voice Dynamic and watch Nancy as she describes Your Volume Control.